Sometimes we get so caught up with chasing dreams and aspirations we forget who we are as people.It can be so easy to fall for anything and allow our core values, standards etc to be shaken by disappointment and rejections.This week's conversation serves as a reminder to stand firm.The journey will not always be smooth but who you are as a person must always be built on solid foundation.This week I'm joined by my guest Dolapo Morgan who has set an amazing example of what it means to stay rooted in our identity despite setbacks.
Dolapo is a Senior Associate Consultant at Bain and Company advising executives from Fortune 1,000 companies, governments, non-governmental organizations, and not-for-profit to make lasting improvements to their performance and realize their most important goals through data driven analysis. She has worked on projects across Africa and is currently based in the Middle East.
She has several interests including skincare, fashion and tennis. She is a follower of Jesus and is on a journey of walking in and expressing her full identity in Christ.
Dolapo graduated from University College London with a first class degree in Information Management for Business.
She shares so many gems in this conversation from the importance of knowing who you are as person to bouncing being intentional about what you consume.You certainly don't want to miss this.
Rhieme: Hi, Dolapo, thank you so much for joining us today. Can you please tell us a bit about yourself?
Dolapo: Thank you for having me. A bit of myself professionally, I'm a senior associate consultant at Bain where we basically help large corporates, or the government solve their challenges to data analysis. I work in the Dubai office at the moment but before I used to work in the African region. What else I am interested in? I like skincare, fashion, tennis and I'm a Christian. I love Jesus, I try to live for Him.
Rhieme: Thank you for sharing that. So let's get straight into it. We've been talking a lot about purpose and identity over the last few conversations. When you hear the word ‘identity’ what does it mean to you?
Dolapo: Personally, I think identity really means who you are and who you are affects the kind of decisions you make, the way you live, the way you treat people. Everything about you stems from who you believe you are, the kind of values you possess, and all.
Rhieme: Yeah, I just love what you mentioned because sometimes people face a false perception of themselves or we think we know ourselves but we don’t.You just know what other people have said.So actually believing who you are rather than a tag or label.
Dolapo: Yeah, and I also feel like sometimes your identity in terms of who you believe you are doesn't necessarily match your reality. But it's just always reminding yourself, this is who I am, wherever your identity stems from. Obviously mine stemming from Jesus Christ.Although Jesus Christ says that I am this, my present reality doesn't necessarily look like the situation, but just holding on to that identity and walking from that knowledge of who He says you are, rather than other things.
Rhieme: That's so key, because that's what faith is. God is always saying, I see you as this and sometimes you feel like it but I guess when it actually becomes a part of you is when you believe in it consistently. As opposed to one day, I know I’m this then the next day not really. I will say I’m at that point where I'm transitioning. So I'm just trying to actually believe what God has said about me and carry myself from that place of belief.
Dolapo: And I also think just even to buttress your points on that transition, I feel like it's almost a constant thing because of the way the world is set up and the way life is set up, where things don't always look like what they should you always have to constantly renew your mind and remind yourself of who you actually know innately you are. It’s a constant journey.
Rhieme: Especially when you're faced with situations where what God has said is not really what you can see and that's when you need to talk to yourself, speak the truth over yourself. For us Christians that's God's word, everything He says.
Rhieme:Can you please give us an overview of your career journey so far?
Dolapo: Okay, I guess how I ended up where I am currently, just as a child, I've always loved the idea of business and making anything a business. So I remember in school, I would always find an opportunity to do it and we weren’t allowed as a Nigerian school. I will always be selling things when I travel, so let's say I buy blow pops and stuff I knew everyone will buy, I would sell it at a silly price. Maybe the cost price was maybe 50 naira I'll sell it for like 200.It was just ridiculous and people would still buy.I was always finding opportunities to make money from situations. Even though I wasn't good in secondary school in terms of my subjects, like I used to fail, one subject I used to do really well was Business Studies and Fine Art. So I guess obviously trying to decide what career path to take you would have certain discussions. I figured out there was this whole industry called Management Consulting where you help businesses, but large corporates. So I was like okay this would be a great way for me to start my career to get the adequate training that's required, as well as exposure.I ended up studying Information Management for business, which is very linked to that,but with a tech focus, and I started to look for internship opportunities. During uni, I ended up doing an internship in second year and was a strategy and business intern for a finance corporation, but I didn't actually enjoy it. It wasn't because I didn't enjoy the role, I just didn't enjoy the environment. But I was like, I still like this and I've heard other people's experiences so I'm still going to pursue this after uni. During my final year obviously applying for jobs, I didn't actually get any of the jobs I wanted in the UK. I ended up having to move to Nigeria, because I didn't get anything. I was just like, I'm not going to just switch gear and get any random job I'll go to Lagos do my NYC. I was able to do it for a consulting company in NYC, and then from that, and it was at Accenture before I moved to the company that I'm currently at which is Bain. How I got there, in summer I went for a conference where I met the partner and he was speaking about what I did my dissertation on. So that was the perfect opportunity for me to go up to him and mention what I studied.From there he invited me to his office then the interview process and that's how I ended up here.
Rhieme: Yeah, thank you for sharing. I just noticed, the overall theme, from what you explained is really sinking into your interest. So you noticed when you were younger you always had a thing for business and you didn't let it die you took it seriously and you're like, let me see what I can do. I love what you said about how even though you didn’t enjoy the internship, you still knew you wanted to do it. Because a lot of the time we allow a one off experience determine everything. But then because you knew other people had said good things.Linking it back to you really sinking into your interests, hearing other people's opinions I'm sure definitely fed into you holding on to it. So it's just very encouraging. Especially because most people my age are trying to figure out what to do.You may go somewhere and not get the best experience but I guess trying to keep pressing in especially if that's something you're meant to be doing and have a genuine passion for it.
Rhieme: So I came across a video where you spoke about rejections from job applications. How were you able to handle that period of time and not attach your identity to them?
Dolapo: So yeah, it goes back into the story I was telling about, trying to get a job in the UK and not getting any of them.In terms of how I was able to hold on to them I think it's just your mindset.Just like fixing your eyes on who you believe you are based on what God has said. So I think an experience that really helped me with that was as I said I schooled in Nigeria and I didn't do well at all.When I came to England for A levels, I remember just coming with a different mindset. For my final year in school, I was like no, I actually want to sit up, I actually want to do well but it was almost too late then. So I was like when I come here, it can be a fresh start and I can put in a lot of effort. I remember my first AS exam, that experience really formed the fact that even though your yesterday was something else your today can be different.It’s not that deep, because it just exams, but for me it was deep because that was not who I was. I was never someone that used to do well, become top of the class. I remember that exam I think I got like, 100% and I was shocked. I was like, this is not my result and I believe it was also due to the resilience.I was like I'm going to do it. I'm not being like this anymore. I'm fixing my mindset to be the greatest person that I believe I can be or maximise my potential. I guess because I was able to go from 0 literally to 100 and that gave me some resilience to believe that things are actually possible, anything's actually possible. I'm sure if they told my teachers that I got that job they would be like how? That cannot be Dolapo. If you give things your best if it's meant to be it really would be.I felt during that experience of getting rejections of jobs in the UK, I was giving my best, I was putting in the hours, I was doing my own part. So it was almost like, if it didn't work out, then maybe that’s not what God has planned for me.It doesn't define the fact that I can't get a job.It's not meant for me, I've done my own part and the Bible says He will complete the work He has started in me.So if He didn't complete it, then that doesn't mean that's the end of it. Try and redirect.That was the mindset I went into. I remember praying a prayer like Lord this is my last application I needed to focus on my dissertation at that point in time. If I don't get any of these, I’m not doing it again.I didn't want to get a sub-par job. I wanted to get the best of the best type of companies that were available. So I was like, I'm not going to settle for that. I can go on to NYC and figure it out. So yeah, going back to the question that you asked, in terms of redirection, I think just holding on to what God has done in my life in the past and realising rejection can be a redirection, and that is kind of how I have navigated life. So even more recently,in the company I work in, in the Nigerian office, they shut down at that point with a limited number of slots for people to transfer to other regions. Initially, I didn't actually get a slot. Everybody was like go and fight and I just said, I'm actually not fighting. I’ve done by own part if it's not meant to be maybe it's a redirection. So some people might be like, that's so dumb why would you do that? But I believe that God is so mighty like if it’s meant to be it will be. So for two weeks, I wasn't given the opportunity then one day I came back from a walk and next thing, they're we want to give you this opportunity. We believe you should get it. I didn't do one thing and for me I can go out and testify of God's goodness, because it was not me. So sometimes you need those kinds of experiences to be like, it's not about my efforts. For me when I get rejection I’m like God are we moving? Because I don't think life is linear I don't think you're meant to be doing one thing forever. It's different things. So for me it's like a rejection, it could be a redirection and I'm happy to flow because it’ll all be okay.
Rhieme: So you spoke about how when you were starting uni you were like it's time for me to actually sit up and make that change. It's just so significant because you spoke about how in the past you weren't doing that well but it was more of a mindset thing and I think it's so important because most people feel like because they've been a certain type of way for so long they can’t change. This what we’re even saying about identity not attaching yourself to the wrong things. You knew what you wanted for yourself you wanted to make change, and you did.You put in the work.Also what you said about job applications and how you were giving it your best and you were still getting rejections. With God things are not always that straightforward. I was talking to Tilewa and she said ‘one plus one equals whatever God wants’. There’s room for putting in effort and trying your best as a person but at the same time, if it's not what God wants at that point in time, then getting to that point where you're willing to surrender and you did that.Now what I was even trying to connect when you we're speaking was how the opportunity found you. So mainly when they were trying to pick people to move to other countries they had seen the work you had done in the past and God wanted you there. You didn't compromise or settle for another job because you personally have those standards for yourself. I think especially with COVID people are losing jobs and things are just harder it’s easier for us to fall into anything. That’s when you have to think, why are you here? Who are you living for? Are you living just to get by or are you living for God and a life of complete surrender? Something I've been learning is not taking rejections personally. Everything I do is not me it's just a product. So what happens all the time and with effort and energy I always attached myself to it. Especially with academics, I remember with A levels I didn't do well in some exams and I worked really hard and I didn't get the grades I wanted.That whole week I barely prayed, I didn't do anything I was so upset. In those times God was actually showing how I had made academics an idol. A lot of those things had to happen.It’s just also knowing all our experiences are not wasted. With you even that period of time where you tried and I guess getting to the end of yourself. You've done your own and you felt you had confidence because you knew you gave it your best.
Dolapo: You mentioned something around making your academics an idol. So I believe this life journey is not just to finish and be the most successful.It’s also to become and becoming also requires that change of character you know, maybe not idolising certain things. So, sometimes just to humble you small. Sometimes those things have to happen and then you learn lessons from that and you become more reliant on the grace of God because you know that you need it every day. Going back to the whole rejection thing He might also teach you a lesson. It might be for you to even re-apply there are different reasons and that’s why the Holy Spirit is important. So you don't take someone's reason and be like, that’s the reason for everybody.
Rhieme: I'm even remembering something happened recently some months ago.There was this law scheme I applied for and they didn't take me.For the first time, usually, like I told you I will just cry but this time I was let me know why. I actually asked God why didn’t I get this position? And He told me it didn't align with the specific areas He was calling me to. With a lot of people, they just end up going round in circles we just chase anything and take anything that comes at us. It's just being rooted in Christ knowing what God has spoken over you so you can filter and have standards for yourself as a person. And I love what you said about becoming.I'm so big on that, because it's this whole process of school and not getting what I want has just shown me character is everything.What God wants for you would not miss you, as long as you are aligned. People don't add that part but alignment is so key. Your character and who you're becoming, because God can actually have an opportunity for you and you might be putting in the work, but your character isn’t well developed.
Dolapo: Yeah not prepared
Rhieme: So that's something I always encourage other people to do.Focus more on who you are as a person and when the time is right, as long as you're playing your part it wouldn't miss you at all.
Rhieme: Where did the drive to continue with job applications come from despite the rejections?
Dolapo: The drive has come from past situations where I've had to keep being driven and it's actually it's shaped who I am. I think also listening to stories. I literally love listening to podcasts, like my friends think I'm so dead because I don't actually watch funny things. I'm always like, listening to podcasts, I love testimonies, or hearing other people's stories. Because I just feel like sometimes you just look at the finished product, but I love listening to journeys, because there's something to learn from it. I think one thing that is common is they kept going and never stopped. So in areas where I feel down I just listen to a sermon, a podcast, listen to something. I'm constantly like, filling up my mind. Because I think your mind is the strongest thing that you have, like no one can help you with your mind unless you decide.That's the thing with mental health issues, and stuff like that.They always say it starts from the mind. It's not even the situation it’s literally renewing your mind.
Rhieme: Especially what you said about renewing your mind it still goes back to what you shared earlier, how you made that decision for yourself. The power of testimonies and the process.Anytime something happens I always like telling people how because everyone just sees the end results and then you think oh, I'm missing out and everyone around me is moving forward but actually it's not true you’re just in the in between. You haven’t seen the outcome yet so definitely bouncing off other people's testimonies and knowing if God can do it for them, then why not me?
Rhieme: Can you please tell us about your self- esteem during this journey? And how were you able to navigate that?
Dolapo: I think the self-esteem also kind of fits in with the drive question. But definitely my self-esteem definitely was down. So it's not all bed and roses. Yeah you’re always on the go, no, you're going to cry, you're going to have down days, you're going to feel like what on earth am I doing? But that's what faith is, you know, believing in what is unseen, not what you can see. When the odds are looking against you have to encourage yourself.Like David encouraged himself in the Lord. So definitely my self esteem was down at several times during this journey but just going back to my identity in Christ and the people around me.I have very supportive friends and family.When I say one bad thing, they're like don't you dare.Then feeding myself with positive influences, which is like podcasts that we were speaking about.
Rhieme: Thank you for sharing especially what you said about friends as well because you might get to that point where you're actually in a good place, like you're not doing badly, like in terms of your self esteem.But you can now have people that just speak negative words over constantly. I can't imagine maybe one of your friends telling you maybe you should just quit this application process, that would have messed up everything. I'm so big on allowing God choose my friends. Anytime people come or someone’s coming into my life, I always have to walk with God, because I don't want anyone coming in and causing chaos. I also love what you said about how you've been very intentional about what you absorb in terms of podcasts it’s really important. It just forms part of your environment and what you're soaking in. I know there are times where God can use maybe the line of a song to speak to me. Most of the time when people are down, they may have a tendency to play really sad music, rather than looking for things to uplift them. And what you said about mental health, everything being within the mind, and no one can actually control your mind. People can help you process things through therapy and all but it it still comes down to you. I also loved that you added you had some issues in terms of self -esteem because a lot of times people think wow, like she's just applying, applying like everything must be perfect. But actually there are some days when you are not feeling great. And there are some days where you are okay. So just knowing that wherever you find yourself it's okay. Because sometimes there's that pressure to always be okay. I can't imagine you really have courage because in the past I took rejections very personally especially when you know you’re very passionate about something then they say no. But as you said, taking rejections as re-directions, because when God is with you doors will always be open.
Rhieme: So how have you been able to trust the process of your life so far?
Dolapo: Honestly it just goes back to God. It seems like everything I say is linked to Him. But it really is.That’s the driving force of my life, that is who makes me who I am, that is who I live for. So this life that I'm living, you know, you say the process of my life but really it’s the process of life God has intended for me. So it's like, going back to Him who has created this life for me, creator of the universe that's kind of how I've been able to trust it. When things don't necessarily go the way I presume it’s just going back to Him and asking what are you seeing in this season? What do I need to do on my own side? And please can you also do your own? It's not always rosy like it's not every time. Like two weeks ago Tilewa who you also interviewed, I was also telling her honestly life just seems so crazy right now. There's so much pressure, there's a promotion window coming in, like I need to really push. She was just reminding me of who I am literally constantly reminding me you can do this. Sometimes I'm not very good with my mouth. Sometimes I can say negative things about myself and people around me are very quick to be like what are you even saying? So I thank God for having really amazing people around me that constantly encourage me, and constantly remind me of who I am. And that's so important because sometimes you actually can't see no matter what and you need a reminder. So beyond friends, but also listening to sermons or reading the Word of God or songs like you said. Promises by Maverick City, I’ve probably listened to it like 250 times for sure. That's why we say the mind is just the most powerful thing ever. Because even from that you're able to trust the process of life and also just relax. Like I said, it's okay.There's actually time I don't want to use that word like there’s time because sometimes it can be misunderstood and be like let me be chill versus you actually trying. You're actually doing your best. Sometimes cry and chill for two days then you pick yourself up the next week.Everyday doesn’t have to be smooth. And we look at the people we have as references or Jesus in the Bible. Either times where they were not very encouraged or things didn't look very good, but it's all good. It's part of the journey. It's part of your testimony you get to encounter God in different ways you get to encounter God as your healer. Let's say you're sick you get to encounter God as the way maker when Je makes ways that don't seem possible. So for me, it's almost like I'm learning a new way to call God in each season. God is the lover of my soul in this season, God is this in another. So from that you're able to encourage people because at the end of the day, our lives are not ours and we we’re really meant to be witnesses of Christ. So it's through these experiences, because if life was so rosy, then where do you need help or God?
Rhieme: Thank you so much for sharing that. I love what you said about how you don’t see it as your life, you've basically come to a place where you're trying to live a surrendered life. At the end of the day God brought you here, He’ll sort you out. And back to friends I was just thinking that means the type of people you surround yourself with, have to see you the way God sees you. They can't see the way God sees you if God didn’t handpick them. I guess as we get older you're more real with yourself. But then most of the time especially my age range people are still in that phase of trying to be friends with everybody. I got to the point where I felt very unfulfilled. I felt very stagnant and part of it had to do with my circle. There were some friends that I knew this person shouldn't be here but it was fear like oh, what's if they talk about me? That whole thing of living a surrendered life like who are you doing it for? You’re not doing it for you, you're doing it for God. You never know what you're holding back if He's trying to remove someone and He wants to bring someone else.
Rhieme: Do you have any advice any lessons like anything on your mind that you'd like to share?
Dolapo: I think it's just your mindset and I think fighting to have a mindset that really can take you to where God has called you to be. Because sometimes you believe because you're a child of God, everything would like align.If you don't do your own part if you don't actually transform your mind. I think there's a part for us as individuals and human beings to actually be in this journey of life. You know, they say you should work out your faith like an athlete. You actually have to be intentional. Take our time and take a retreat, evaluate the different aspects of your life.Pray regarding all the things, you know, just being a bit more intentional about life.
Rhieme: Thank you so much just having that mindset for where God is taking you because the truth is if God is taking you anywhere it’s big. He didn’t bring any of us here to be average.But a lot of the time we actually talk ourselves out of what God is saying and the truth is there's only so much God can do for. Like the practical day to day aspects to get up from bed,take action. God's own part is He kept you to see that day, your own part is to get up. It’s actually knowing we have everything we need, like we have the word of God, we have sermons. So it’s like God has set us up for the life He wants and it’s for us to build ourselves up with that.
Dolapo: And there's one more point actually. Just the part it comes into this whole identity discussion that, you know, walking on this journey of faith looks different for everyone. Just sticking to what you believe God has called you to be, and not trying to follow another person's path because it's through really owning your personality, whether you're an awkward person, whether you're a funny person, whatever it is that you are like in terms of your character.Those are the things that are required to take us to where God has called us. So just embracing everything about you. Whether it looks nice and just focusing on you and the Lord.It's very easy to get swayed by everybody saying do this or try this. Advice is not always bad, but sticking to your own path and constantly being in alignment with the Holy Spirit.
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