Over the last few weeks, we've been speaking about the importance of pursuing vision relentlessly and staying rooted in our identities. Whilst this is important, true vision cannot be birthed if we're not in the right environment. This could look like our friendships, mindsets and how we see ourselves as people.This week, I'm joined by my guest Toyosi Alexis and we unpack the importance of shedding old parts of ourselves to step into new levels.
Toyosi Alexis is a self-love coach who focuses on inspiring young girls and women to become more self-aware and resilient in all that they do. She was diagnosed with severe hearing loss at the age of 4 and has worn hearing aids in both ears since then. Due to her experience growing up with bullying and the negative stigma attached to her hearing loss, she has taken to social media countless times to share inspiring contents both on self-love and her experiences living with her disability.
Alongside that, Toyosi works as an ambassador for international hearing aid brand, Phonak, inspiring women with both insecurities and disabilities to discover the full potential they never knew they had.She is also the co-founder of Keïta Lagos, a brand focused on bringing Africa to the fore, and founded her NGO, the Amigo Charity in 2015 with the aim of changing the lives of people who are at a disadvantage.Her strength of character and choice to strive despite all challenges faced has made her capable of being able to relate with others as she lets them into her bubble.
So far, her experience has led to brand campaigns in which she has been able to touch on the topic of self-love and owning her story through being a guest speaker at various events surrounding the topic of embracing your true self. This vulnerability that is her strength has also led to her feature in iD Italy in 2020. In this, she let us in to her world, touching on the topic of self-love and what living with hearing loss looks like. She's excited to continue her self-love journey through speaking at various events and inspiring young women. Toyosi is currently in her last year of study at university in England studying Law.
Rhieme: Hi Toyosi, thank you so much for joining us today. Can you please tell us about yourself?
Toyosi: Hi, thank you for having me. So I'm Toyosi, I'm a life coach, self love coach who teaches women how to become the best versions of themselves and to really walk in their purposes. Aside from that, I'm also a Phonak ambassador. So I I basically help people with hearing loss to see the beauty in their disabilities. I'd give them advice on how to navigate everyday life. I'm also found the co-founder of a fashion brand called Keita Lagos
Rhieme: Thank you so much for sharing, so let’s get into it.What does purpose mean to you?
Toyosi: So purpose to me is mainly all about vulnerability. And purpose to me is obedience to the inner vision and trusting the process. The reason why I say vulnerability is because I don't think purpose has one set way like, this is how to live. And this is what you need to do. Purpose is all about having an inner meaning. And that's what I mean by trusting the inner vision and understanding that. And so I remember last year 2020 when I was trying to figure out my life, because the thing about it is that a lot of people think purpose is about what you do.No there's more to it than what you do, there's more to you than what you do. So I sat down, and I was actually vulnerable with myself and vulnerable with God, I was actually like yea God, I like inspiring people. I've been working with Phonak since 2019 so this is actually before I truly surrendered my life to God and stuff. And I was working for them and it was amazing and stuff. After a while, I felt like there was nothing I was holding on to. In the sense that yea I was bullied and stuff and now I see the beauty in it. But what is the point of my hearing loss? What is it all about? What am I doing on earth? What have I been put on earth for? Like, it's not just, what's my career? It's like, what am I doing? Like, why am I doing this? So purpose is all about vulnerability, because it's really when you're vulnerable and honest with yourself and God and you're like I do not know how to navigate this. I don't know what I'm doing and so I need something to hold on to.In those moments where my faith is tested, that's what I'm going to rely on the why. Why am I doing this?
Rhieme: Thank you so much for sharing and I love what you said about how it's not about a career, it’s so much bigger than that. And I think it's getting to that point where you're like, you actually don't know what to do and that's fine. Cause so many people are caught up with having something of their own but it's like, why are you doing what you're doing? It’s what will hold you down in the long run and keep it going.
Rhieme: Can you please share your journey on how you've been able to step into who you're destined to be?
Toyosi: Okay so the journey has been rough. So just to give you a bit of context I have had a past I've just gone against everything I preach about now. So I just feel like I need to give that bit of context.It’s not always been oh I woke up and I'm confident I've always felt confident in myself in the fact that I'm good at certain things.But in stepping into who I'm destined to be, it all started in March 2020. So just to go back again, because that was literally the whole period of my life that just changed. In terms of that I went through phases in Grange, it was my secondary school and then in A levels where my mental health was up and down. So with my hearing loss when I was about 14 I had this whole thing where my hearing loss was deteriorating. I’ve always been somebody in faith, I've always believed in God and stuff like that, mainly because I've seen the miracles that have happened with my disability. So it's, it was very tricky around that period, because they were like oh she might have brain cancer and they brought up this other disease and then they were like ‘ no, but it's good. Because you'll be the first black woman’. I'm like, relax, I do not have this condition. I can't remember what it was called. But I'm like, I don't have a condition you're talking about you though.Cause my mum is giving me words of encouragement and she's like no you don't have what the doctors say you have believe in God. So I’m like faith as small as a mustard seed. Then as time went along I'm in school at the same time, so I went to England during that whole period, and I come back, and I'm being bullied by a group of boys because of something.They always use incidents you know, how you have normal fights with people and you can just insult them with anything else but the disability. It’s kind of like the fight will go from what is mainly about me being a deaf girl who knows nothing and stuff.
So it was really difficult because I would hide in the bathroom, I would come out, I would cry, I will go home. It was awful. I did not really like being in that school at that point in time like I just felt like it was every day here we go again. Time went along and I feel like that affected my confidence. But I didn't even realise it. So the people left the school. But I was still in that environment that nurtured a version of me that wasn't really who I was meant to be. So I was just gliding through and just trying to survive and just leave the school. And like thinking that me leaving the school was me leaving behind everything.As much as removing yourself from an environment helps, you have to deal with it. So when I got into A levels then I was in a relationship with someone and all those insecurities started coming back up, because I felt like I needed that person's validation to verify who I was and I just relied on the person so much. That was really a rocky phase because I'm battling A levels, the hardest period of my life. I did not like my A level school. So I had good friends there and stuff, which was amazing, because I met amazing people there but I did not see the reason why.I just kept going through life and was like why are these things happening? Why is life likee this? Why am I here? You know, and it was a back and forth journey. When you start asking yourself, why are you here negative voices are like, life is pointless, you’re just here to suffer. You're here to struggle. And it's no there's more to life than that.Then I finally got out of the emotionally abusive relationship and that was the start of what was probably the worst period of my life, but it turned out to be the best because I was forced to actually deal with everything. And it wasn't what this person had done to me it was everything like things from even before. I believe people can hurt you, but you have responsibility over your emotions and you have the choice to move forward and find out where is this thing stemming from? Why am I so upset at this person? Is it really about this person or about things that I've been through before? So that was the start of it. And some stuff happened in 2019 as well and just a lot of bad things just kept happening to me like let me just be honest. I was like, what is going on? Like even my friends I met at uni they will come and they're like Toyosi, it was week after week bad things were just happening. I believed in God but at that point in I used to pray like once a month if I'm being honest, it was really bad and I’ll only go to God when things were bad. So I had like anxiety, depression I will sleep at like 7am and stuff and just life was bad. So I feel like I really reached the end of myself and I realised that I could not do life any other way. But God.So March was just a moment of me stepping into who I was destined to be, because someone actually called me and they just started talking about all
the things that I had been going through, and they didn't know about it personally. So it was just kind of like, wait, someone sees me. So even in those moments, when I was so low, what really pushed me to actually be like, I want to go on a journey of self- discovery was the fact that even when I thought I was alone, I wasn't alone. There will always be somebody that is there, rooting for you and just encouraging you to become the best version of yourself. So, the last thing I will say as well is forgiveness. I had to forgive myself, I had to forgive other people for what they had done to me, because as much as they had hurt me, everybody's battling their own thing.When I started understanding why I was the way I was, I started having more empathy towards other people because people are fighting battles we don't know about.
Rhieme: Thank you so much for sharing. I love what you said about how it hasn't always been this way. Because most people think you just wake up one day and suddenly, your life is okay. You came to the end of yourself when you were like yeah, this is too much. Let's just see what this could look like. if God is involved. I can relate to that because for me everything actually started last year as well. You know when you’re actually forced to, face your problems that was what happened. What you also said about the environment not changing the circumstance, that was the same thing I realised. A-levels were okay for me but I wasn’t okay. I wouldn’t say it was the environmental, it was more of the mindset I had. Even when lockdown happened, I came back here and just being faced with all my issues I couldn't run away. I was used to distracting myself or talking to someone so it was a slap in my face. And yeah, you just get to that point where you're like okay, we need to sit down and work things out. Also, what you said about forgiving yourself, because sometimes you may slip into that thing of like, why didn't you notice earlier? Or why didn't you do better? Or why would you allow people to treat you this way or get into that situation? But it’s like that’s fine too. At the end of the day, it's your story. I feel like in those times when you’re at your weakness, it just gives God space to show His glory even more like to show how much He can transform you regardless of anything you've been through. So yeah, thank you for sharing. I really love what you said about reaching the end of yourself. Because I think that's when like life actually begins when you get to that point where you're like, you can't do this alone. You can't, like you tried.
Rhieme: On social media, you've raised awareness on hearing loss, and the importance of people letting go of the negative stigma typically attached to it. So how have you been able to rise above people having such limiting mindset and walk boldly in who you are as a person?
Toyosi: For me with hearing loss it really started with my letter. I wrote a letter to my hearing loss ad I posted it, and I had never been open about having hearing loss to people. If you met me, you know the girl with hearing aids and stuff Like they go with hearing aids and stuff. Or like people kwow that I was deaf, but I never really spoke about it wasn't a conversation. And I was in bed one day, you know, and I was sitting down and I was like, I want to become an advocate. Like, I want to be an advocate. And I remember I mentioned it to somebody and they were like, no do that don't put your life in public and stuff. And like, I was like no, I want to do it. I feel like I can handle it and I filed in an application. I first wrote the letter to my hearing loss, and then I posted it and the results were just so shocking because people were telling me things about myself that I did not know. Those things were already inside of me, but I hadn't discovered them for myself yet. But I strongly believe in people helping you see who you are. You can see who God has called you to be but people can also assist in that. And honestly, when it comes to my hearing loss, it's been about that. It's been my mum, t's been my siblings. It's been my friends. It's been my audience on Instagram helping me be like calm you are owning this. Because there are days where I will wake up and just say I don't like this. I do not like the fact that I’m wearing hearing aids. I don't like the fact that if I go in public I would have to tell people speak louder. That's so frustrating and I want to know what it feels like to hear normally like the average person. And year after year after year, I will pray to God and be like God, it’s a new year, it was like a routine.You grow up with people telling you they will heal you. So you start thinking that this thing is not normal, like God has to heal me because it's only through this healing that I can actually step into the woman that I’m called to be. So I always felt like okay, I will heal and then it’ll be this go with this testimony that will be like wow God healed me. For my hearing loss, I never thought I would sit down and actually own the disability and be like, actually, I'm deaf. And you know, that's beautiful. So just having other people to encourage me and for my mum always telling me never see yourself as the same as other people, you are unique, you are different, you have a different purpose from everybody else. So I always remember that, I'm set apart I am different. And even if people may not always tell me that I have God telling me that I have the inner voice in me always encouraging me to just stepping boldly to who I am as a person has honestly been from social media. Choosing to rise above those limiting mindsets. Tiwalola always talks about this, if you think negatively you can also think positively. So now like if anybody comes to tell me ‘oh you’re this deaf girl’ I’m like yea I’m this deaf girl.So it's all about changing the perspective. Before in Grange, people will say Toyosi you’re deaf and I’m like don’t call me that I will cry, I'll go home. I'm like mummy somebody asked me if I'm deaf today and I will be bawling my eyes out. When today that's perfectly okay. If you know who you are, no one can tell you anything about yourself. So you have the ability to define who you are to people, you have the ability to literally change the narrative, like you don't have to go by other people's terms, you just have to live life on your own time. So it's when I started living life on my own terms, believing in myself seeing who I really was, and just walking in it that's literally just been it.
Rhieme: Thank you for that especially what you said about people. As much you may know who you’re called to be or can see certain things in yourself, sometimes you don’t. Just the power of the right people speaking into you. I can't imagine if you listened to the person who was like don't really put your life out there it would have been a completely different story. And as you said, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes people create norms and the minute you don’t fit into it, there’s a problem. But yes, surrounding yourself with the right people who can see who you are and actually pulling out that of you is so key because you may be in that place where you're trying to break free and you're not sure. It's just a helping hand you need someone to actually see this in you. And I guess people showing up consistently. So not one minute you're affirming someone and the next minute, you're putting them down, people can be like that. But I don't think everyone is like that. So yeah, thank you very much for sharing.
Rhieme: You've spoken on your experience with bullying, what has the journey been like in letting go of negative comments and renewing your mind?
Toyosi: This has been a very tough journey because it's something I'm still dealing with. Not necessarily in terms of hearing loss, but in terms of life. I go through moments, I’m an overthinker somebody can say something a stray sentence, and I take it and literally run with it and exaggerate it to the fullest level. To me it makes sense because I'm looking at it through the lens of my eyes but I have other people be like Toyosi you're being dramatic, relax. So I feel like it's been very difficult. I think one thing that has really helped me is journaling. So every time I want to renew my mindI always go and I pick up my journal, and write. I even saw a post that said, if you're an over thinker, write, but if you're an under think read more, and I was like this is literally so true. Like, when you have so many thoughts, you need to release them into the atmosphere. So just writing everything down helps me because I'm just able to be like okay, this is what I think about myself but at the end of journaling I always make sure to write something positive. Even if it's as short as I do not see or understand why this is happening but I mean, I’m happy. So just choosing to move that mindset from negative to positive, this negative thing has happened, but what is it trying to teach me? What can I gain from this? Don't get me wrong, I don't believe people have to struggle before you can see the beauty in life. I honestly believe those negative comments that people made about me when I was younger, they have built me up for who I am now. Like, I remember I was going through a period when I was just loving life last year. Istill lov life obviously but I was really at the peak of bliss. I had moments where I was down, but good things were happening in my life. All of a sudden, I start getting hate dms. So this was like from August then I had another one in October. I sat down and I cried and I thought about it. My friend asked me a question she said, why are you letting people that you don't know you have so much power over you? And I sat down. Every time I choose to let a negative comment run my life or determine my mood or ruin my day, I always ask myself, why are you letting this thing have so much power over your mindpower? Why can’t the Word of God have power over your mind too? If He says you are destined for great things if He says all of these things about you why can’t you have power where you’re just choosing faith over? Yeah, there was a period where I just kept repeating it to myself choose faith over fear because I still don't believe you can have faith and fear at the same time.Once fear rules you are ruled by limitations and just stepping into freedom is what it means to have faith. So just renewing my mind with God's word over my life. I will find that I will spend a lot of time reading my journals, reminding myself of prophecies or things that God has said about me in the Bible. It's been a really tough journey, it hasn't been pretty, there's still some days where negative thoughts can come all at once.Sometimes I don't know what to do. Sometimes I call my friend and I just talk. So it's all about releasing, just keep releasing and release to the right people.
Rhieme: Thank you for that. Especially what you've been saying about releasing and letting it out. Journaling is my go to as well. It's like a different level of accountability because you're looking at how you’re thinking or your thoughts pattern or why you think the way we do, and it just helps you in identifying the negative thoughts then replacing them with more positive ones. Or if journaling doesn't work for someone, just releasing because if not, those thoughts will become the truth. If you keep on thinking about them repeatedly, then your actions start aligning with what you’re thinking. So it's so key because sometimes you think it's some more complicated process when it’s not. It’s about sitting down and saying, no, this mind, not today. Because I find that it's always when something really good is coming or I've just done something that I know I was meant to do then the next day waking up in a very, weird state. There was a day I spoke to someone about this ad she was saying at the same time trying not to normalise always entering a weird headspace, it’s something I’m definitely trying to work on.It's like some days you might feel amazing and then there's a slump and that whole process of picking yourself up, it's harder than just staying in it and letting time go.
Rhieme: What advice would you give someone who's at the borderline of truly stepping into who they are as a person, but they're held back by fear?
Toyosi: Just do it. Understand why. If you're on the borderline, I will say I hope you understand why you're doing this thing. I hope you understand who you are, I hope you understand what you're destined to be. Once you understand why, keep going back to the why keep going back to why you're doing this because that is what is going to hold you down. Don't do it for results literally if you do it for results , you are going to constantly face triggers.You will think it is bad things that are happening to you but sometimes actually you’re causing it because it's like why are you focusing on results? Something God can tell you to post may not get as much engagement as the other things on your channel, it's happened to me, but I felt so happy. I posted a video the other day and before posting I won’t really go into details behind everything that the video carried but what that video carried made me so happy because I knew God told me to post it. I knew what He told me I knew all of the steps I knew all of the instructions and everything was in alignment to obedience. That is what is going to continue pushing you forward. Just obey, obey God, obey the inner vision, the inner vision is birthed by God. So continue trust in the process. I was watching this sermon yesterday and it spoke about how I will be more loyal to the process than the prophecy. I'll be more loyal to the process because that's the best part of the journey. You know people who are successful always say, enjoy the process. So just go forward obey like literally just obedience to the inner vision is what is going to give you confidence because there will be days where you doubt it. There will be days where you will not feel good enough but guess what it cannot have power over you because you will see those days as literally stepping stones to becoming the woman that you're destined to be.
Rhieme: Yeah knowing why is just so key because there are times when you know how much something or the next step carries and that is what pushes you. I feel like fear will always be there. Anytime you're entering a new dimension or a new phase, it's new for a reason. There's always this resistance before you fully lstep in. But yeah, it's knowing the why and having it at the back of your mind constantly. As you said, the why will always be bigger than you. That's when you know, it's worth doing. If it’s just you it’s easier to quit. Also what you said about how there are some things that God may ask you to do, and they may not get as much reception as other things. Sometimes I feel like He does it that way so you don't get caught up with numbers. It’s always about the one person. The other day He was just explaining that phrase of living for an audience of one and everything and saying there are two sides to it. So on the one hand, living for Him alone and so everything you do is going back to Him. But at the same time, not only living for yourself in the sense that you don't allow yourself determine everything. Let's say you're meant to do something and you're not feeling up to it but you know you're meant to do it. It's like when you detach yourself and you just do it.
Toyosi: I'll also say I really liked the last thing about not living for yourself. If you’re someone that’s in faith, there'll be moments where you will not be in the mood but you just have to just do it. But what I wanted to say, build an intimate relationship with an imaginary person in your mind. Obviously, the person is someone who pushes you to become the best version of yourself. I've done it and I think that has been what has helped me because now I don't really get anxiety to post if I'm being very honest. Sometimes I do if it’s very deep I'm like, I’m being really vulnerable why would I be posting this? But I still do it because of that one person. Majority of the time someone always texts me saying I needed this message at this point in time and that's not really what gives me fulfilment. I was talking to my phone, cause I always talk to myself, I recorded a video and I was just like, the comments that people tell me boost my self esteem, but it's not what gives me confidence.
Rhieme: Definitely and just to add to that people encouraging you is great. But I think as you said, that should always be by the side. If you do that’s cool. If you don't, that's fine as well, because people are on and off.I think knowing that the one who gave you the vision is the one who would measure how well you're doing. Because sometimes you may think you're doing as well maybe the number of people reply or repost say something to you. But actually it's really detaching yourself because if not you can fall into this thing where you're trying to make whatever you say be about people or just changing the message to get people to say something.
Rhieme: As someone who stepped out in purpose quite early, what has the journey been like? Have you had to sacrifice anything?
Toyosi: This question, I’ve loved it, I’ve loved every part of the journey of just stepping into my purpose because it's given me meaning to life and what better way to live life? You know, when you actually have a meaning. I've had to sacrifice a lot. I've had to sacrifice a lot.I was literally talking to my friend the other day, and I was just kind of like, one thing I've had to sacrifice is friendships, I will be very honest on here. I've had to sacrifice a lot of friendships, because I've been someone that's just dealt with jealousy in friendships, people always just getting jealous and stuff. I've never really relied on my friends for support.I do now because I know the friends I have and I know they're supportive of me but I don't have to ask them for support before they support me.S upport is not posting my stuff everyday, it’s in those dark moments you’re there speaking life over me, that is what it means to me. So yeah, I've had to sacrifice friendships, because I didn't understand why at first. God was just explaining to me that some people can’t go where He's taking me to and that's perfectly okay. It's been a lot of tears in terms of what has the journey been like. It's like these people are pulling me back to that version of myself. And I think I'm okay, I’ve grown, I’m solid you know who you are and stuff. But in being solid comes new people comes new habits comes new environments that you can't want to move forward, and then hold on to the past. You cannot become that version of yourself and still try to hold on to old parts of your life. You can't balance the two. It wouldn't make sense. You know, so I think the journey has been really tough. A lot of people who didn't understand why, a lot of people I couldn't necessarily relate to. I'm somebody who loves to have meaningful conversations every time I'm talking to my friends it’s so deep, because that's just how I am. Obviously, there are days where we just gist and stuff but majority of the conversations I have with people are very deep I like to get vulnerable and everything. The journey has been really nice because I really learned that it's okay to be vulnerable.I think it's enough about the negative things. I mean just to talk positive things just wrap this up. But it's, it's taught me that it's okay to be vulnerable. It's taught me that there will be people out there that will really love you for who you are. It's taught me that you don't have to struggle for love, you don't have to struggle to for people to just love you for who you are. You know, even if it's been difficult even if I didn't understand why like I'm everything I have right now is enough for me and that's perfect. So even if I've had to sacrifice certain friends, God has sent new ones and they have been the best parts of my life. You know? I've had to sacrifice meaningless conversation, meaningless things, you know. You know, how everyone knows life to be like get together you gossip about so many things that do not have to do with you. That is not to say, there are not where I don't find myself gossiping, or something like I'm not perfect, but I'm really trying to detach myself from that person and detach myself from what I thought was normal. What I think is normal is not actually normally in God's eyes and just trying to detach myself from all of those things and actually step into meaningful conversations. It’s been really nice because I also believe in destiny helpers, destiny helpers have helped me along this journey. Another thing I would say is I've had times where I've just been like, I'm so young, I can't lie to you today I’ve only done one thing and I have so many things to do. I'm like God, it's my last year of uni, how do you want me to balance all of these things? I physically cannot do it so God, please give me the grace. The journey has been a lot of grace, a lot of favour, favour through destiny helpers. Today I was having a conversation with my friend and I have a group of friends. Three of us lost people in the space of three it was really difficult. We were just talking about how in those moments were literally how did we get to this? Because we couldn't pray.I've had to sacrifice my time as well. There are moments where I can be sitting down, if I'm being honest, just here in uni and God is like go to London.I go to London and I meet a group of people, I'm actually there for a reason. Just to give you a bit of a story because I feel like this story could help someone. So I'm in London, and I'm doing this content day with my friend. So we were there taking pictures. So my friend offered us food, everything. We're in Paddington, and somebody calls and is like, go downstairs, go downstairs there’s someone you’re meant to meet. So I talked to my friend TK and say God is saying we should go downstairs. And I'm just saying this is another one of those moments where God is like you're looking for x y z.
Those moments really teach you stepping out in faith. You know, they teach you that. And the reason why I'm saying that just to link it back to the question is because the journey has taught me that not everybody is going to understand, but the very few people that do are what keeps you going. So I went out I see this guy walk in and I hear God say follow him .I hear God say turn right so I turn right and I go there and I see this. I just see people walk in. I'm giving us an analogy you may be in a world where people put pressure on you to do a certain thing or to make impulsive decisions or to start now, but focus on the voice of God because that is literally what is so important. I go inside Tesco finally and my friend on the call says go to the third aisle. So I go into the third aisle, and I see a white man standing there. I heard her say that's him. I remember I heard he’s white and he’s tall. He was taller than me that's literally all that matters. So I'm standing. I'm pretending to get Cheetos and stuff. I heard God say business technologies. Then he's going out and God’s like go after him. So TK literally running I was like chasing after this guy. I gave him a bit of context and say this is why I'm here, what do you do? To the story short, he was basically like he's homeless. I'm like, what do you do? Like, what do you like doing for fun? He's like, I'm into technology but I can't afford to go to university. I just started crying after I left him because I was just like, I took content today. But that's not the highlight of my day. This is the highlight of my day. Like the fact that I obviously told him God has a plan for your life, everything. at some point in his life, he will always remember that there were this group of girls like that came up to him and I just prayed for him cause you could tell you he was a bit freaked out. Like, don't get me wrong, but that didn't stop me from talking or saying what I needed to say just be who you are authentically. That's what really matters. I did that and I went home happy just helping somebody. So yeah, I've had to sacrifice a lot like drop what I knew. Drop what I've known life to be. Know that this weird way I live in life according to other people, is not for no reason is what gives me fire every blessed day.
Rhieme: Thank you so much for sharing. I would summarise what you said. So, okay, let me touch on the ery last thing you said. So this ‘weird’ way of life I feel like it's weird based on your view. So for you like, It's not weird in the sense that like this is life as you know, it's but then someone else who doesn't understand the journey or hasn't gone through a similar process wouldn't get it. And so I think yeah, that's where having the right people come into place because I'm definitely experiencing that whole thing of losing people. And it's not even a thing of you think you're better than everyone else. Before on any friendship I always ask God can I at least know why you're doing what you're doing? And a lot of the time He just says so many of us are used to carrying weight. So it's like people will serve their time in our lives and vice versa and then when it's time to let go it’s hard. I don't believe everyone is meant to be there in the long run. I feel like some people are there for certain seasons. I feel like you yourself will feel it. Like, you know, when the conversations are just dragging. You’re like what are we doing here now? I found myself in a space where not every conversation has to be deep, but intentionality is key. I Because if you knew where you're going, or you know what God has said, there are certain things you can't entertain. And there would always be sacrifice anywhere worth going always come sacrifice. And why you also said about the man, it just shows you how God will literally go after that one person. It’s just for you to say, I'm ready. In those moments, as you said he said, he will never forget it. He never will. Because God is so intentional and so specific, like He cares about people. Saying yes to Him, can also determine someone else actually saying yes to God. Think, especially friendships because we're in that phase where you're making major changes in terms of maybe your career, or life just happening. Sometimes you may feel bad. But it’s getting to that point where I'm like, I’m not even living for you though. And when you assess the friendship you actually think about it, what do you talk about? As you said, it's not every time deep talk but I feel like there's a certain level of depth friendships need to be sustained. There’s a phrase God will use He would just say I'm detaching you from this person. Once I hear that, before He's even said it, I can already feel. It’s just getting to that point where you're willing. Last year especially was when I would say there were so many changes and I was, I don't know who else I will talk and God was like just say yes. Of course God doesn't want any of us to be alone. Like it's just you can't do life alone. So yeah, definitely what you said about sacrifice and friendships and stuff. And I guess people not feeling guilty for outgrowing people as well. It doesn't mean you're a bad person it's allowed because we're all growing.
Rhieme: Do you have any last words, any advice anything on your mind that you'd like to share?
Toyosi: To women to just live life on your own terms. You know, I know it can get a bit hard sometimes, but community is key. So even if it's that one person that you have, speak to them speak to people connect, you know, make connections, social media. I knew it has its negative downsides but it's also so powerful. A lot of things are moving online now. So just try and use your connections the best way possible. Know that your purpose is unique to you, you don't have to mirror someone else's purpose, life is not like that. to Just go deeper and go deeper. Try and find out why you're doing what you're doing. And find out why God has placed this vision inside of you. I know that God has destined great things for so many great women out there. And not just women, but people so just be who you are, and be that person unapologetically. Because when you set your standards and when you hold yourself to those standards, even in those moments, where you want to choose lesser than you will really realise and appreciate yourself even more later in the future. in the Let go of old baggage understand that certain things certain habits can, or certain thoughts cannot follow you into the next season and just embrace e yourself. The last thing I would say is just worry less and elevate just keep repeating to yourself. Step up to new heights.
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