As the year is slowly drawing to an end some of us may be reflecting on the blows and feeling it's impossible to start over. It might be hard to even think of the new year, but this is your reminder you can begin again. Not for the new year, but for you as a person. You deserve a fresh start. This week I'm joined by my guest Bimpe Abiade who shares openly her healing journey and how her faith intertwines. It was so beautiful to hear all the gems she shared and I hope this meets you where you are.
Bimpe Abiade recently graduated from Kent university after studying International Business. She is currently part of the Frontline Leadership Masters Programme and is completing her masters at Lancaster University in Advanced Relationship Based Social Work Practice with Children and Families. Bimpe is also the founder of a social enterprise called Bridge Build Aspire which aims to help young people from less privileged backgrounds thrive and break barriers. Bimpe is passionate about her faith, personal development, and social policy.
Rhieme: Hi Bimpe thank you so much for joining us today. Can you please tell us about yourself?
Bimpe: Hi Rhieme, thank you so much for having me. I'm really honoured to be on your platform. I've seen a lot of work that you've done and it's really inspirational. My name is Bimpe Abiade I am a social worker. I go to Liberty Church London which I love very much. I like helping people. I have a social enterprise which is a way to serve young people who are from backgrounds where they are more disadvantaged because of systemic issues.
Rhieme: Thank you so much for sharing. Over the last few conversations, we've been speaking a lot about healing and trying to start again, especially if you've gone through a lot. So for you, what does beginning again mean?
Bimpe: That's a good question. I feel like beginning again is trusting again, being bold and courageous. I think one of the key things for me personally about beginning again is, you're never really starting from scratch. I think when we make a mistake we get so annoyed and ask ‘why do I have to do this again?’ But when I think about beginning again, I feel like you are beginning from a new perspective especially because something’s happened, you're able to take that wisdom, knowledge, or the understanding you gain from experience to shift your perspective. Even with my faith in God and my relationship, I'm always learning again, he's always renewing perspective on my mind. I think it's just important to see beginning again, as a good thing, it's not always a bad thing to start. But if you have an optimistic mindset, a mindset that this will be different, it will be a very different journey.
Rhieme: I love that and I didn’t really think of how you're not actually starting from the scratch when you’re trying again. Because most of the time, when I'm thinking of a fresh start, I don't always start with asking myself “what did I learn before that would help me as I try again?” I try and scrap everything that has happened and now I'm realising, I haven’t gone through certain experiences for nothing. As you said, it’s about pulling out the lessons and looking for how to put them into practice as you try again.
Rhieme: In one of your YouTube videos, you shared how you were able to overcome past disappointments with academic grades. How were you able to believe in yourself and trust again?
Bimpe: Wow my youtube videos that was a while ago, that’s a really good question, because we're always going to face disappointments and failures. There are always going to be some form of misalignment of what we expected and what actually happened and that's okay. If you failed something cool, something didn't necessarily go your way, that's fine. I think using that failure to push you into greater things. Like I said, it's up to you to see the good or the bad. But I would say, use that disappointment or that failure to push you into a perspective where it's possible. I always say you decide your future. Now you can decide to move and be upset, or you can decide to use that to open an opportunity for you. But I also think, trust God He is very loving. He's very kind, merciful, He's a father. And he will never allow you to go through something and there’s no gain. I remember driving, when I was learning how to drive, oh my gosh, I felt so much. And it was the most ridiculous, I was so confused. I'm battling God and I prayed, fasted. I was accountable and I realised God was using that to deal with my flesh to deal with me. Looking at it from a God perspective, I think that's the key thing and trusting even when things haven't gone right all things are working together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. For me, God doesn't make mistakes, so you have to make up my mind to see beyond this disappointment. As you grow and develop, you have a bank of testimonies with God. And I have seen how God has turned disappointments into turnarounds or even my A levels. I got top results, from the bottom to the top. So I've seen how God can turn around. It's not easy, because I feel like it comes back to your self-esteem and how you view yourself and there's different things but journey with God and build your mind.
Rhieme: Wow, everything you're saying is literally speaking to me directly because when I started second year the first last half didn't go as planned for it. It's crazy you mentioned believing more in God than yourself because I kept on hearing that scripture. I can't remember where exactly but the scripture ‘greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world’. One thing God keeps saying is don't over complicate the simple life I've given you. Like instead of worrying, why not hear out what I have to say?
Bimpe: Thank you for sharing.
Rhieme: Thank you so much for sharing. How have you been able to heal from hurtful experiences?
Bimpe: It's been a journey, I think I've been able to see God’s faithfulness, because I have been through a lot. I think one of the key things is I have to acknowledge God has always been working around me even when I didn't know he was. There was always that person who was kind of there for me or supporting me, you’re giving me that wisdom or advice.
I gave my life to Christ at 15, I didn't know that was going to be the church where God was going to start healing me and bring people who were going to build me up. Sometimes we don't see he's already working around us. A key thing that has really helped me is community. I’m really passionate about young people understanding the value of being in good, healthy community especially Christians, because I think we're in a generation whereby things are done alone. Yes, I need to heal, but no man is an island. I don't feel like you are able to really benefit from the real holistic healing journey, although it looks different for everyone, if you're not in community. So community has been an amazing way God has used to heal me. I have friends who are very consistent despite my weaknesses, because I can come here, and I can sound all polished but I'm not perfect. I have things that drive people crazy, but they still love me, they still show me that they care, I think that's been a form of healing. I really encourage people to plug into community. Healing is a risk, a lot of people don't want to heal for you to kind of be in that position of hurt his comfort. But you have to take the risk, the future is brighter than your past, or that person you're about to form a relationship with. So I would say I'd also say focus on God, especially if you're Christian.
Focus on building an intimate relationship with him. I think sometimes you talk about healing so much, it starts to become overwhelming, but I needed to heal. I need to let go of this trauma. You'll find as you journey with God, it’s authentic. I found it hard to connect with God because I didn't know my dad at a young age, but I met him at 17. I realised that my relationship with my dad moved my relationship with God. I didn't want to take the risk with God because I felt you're probably going to fail me. But it was me taking the risk to trust this God and trust that he will be there for me and it hasn't failed. He's never failed. It's never messed up. Focus on God and focus on intimacy. Healing is important but healing is gradual, I think it’s a journey that will last a lifetime. So, I would say that approach to life has really helped because I've kind of reduced the pressure. I find times where I need to work on something and in doing so I read books on healing, not too much. Don't overwhelm yourself but have counselling. I've also invested in counselling.
Rhieme: I feel like I can just sit down and listen thank you so much for sharing, honestly, and what you said about starting with God first. I think a lot of the time we cave into this hole of self-help. I think on a practical level, you can do things to help yourself even more, but God has to be the source. Why not go to the person who created you outside of trauma or outside of the pain and let him restore you?
Even with community, that's a big one because I strongly believe God also uses people to reach us as well. So of course, friends can support you but they're not in charge of the process, but they can help. I've experienced it personally, opening up to the right people. The right people are the people God has allowed in my life. I’ve experienced God in people and He’ll always provide the grace for the friendship.
I think this is the second time I'm mentioning The Liberty Church, but it has honestly helped me so much. I only started joining I think in March because Demi had told us about it in the Skinneeds community and I kept saying let me actually see what my experience is like. This church has honestly helped me so much in terms of being able to be free. It’s so different to what I’ve experienced. As you said, people are definitely parts of the process. You need to meet people sometimes you're scared to open up because you’re like “ how do I know you wouldn’t mess up the way the last person did? One thing God always tells me is don't allow, a past experience prevent you from experiencing the new.
Rhieme:What advice would you give someone who's been walking as a shadow of their past and is looking to start afresh?
Bimpe: I think those are two different things, I think it’s how can we start to see the purpose of our past. Sometimes our past is quite tainted, it's not always positive. Even in this season, like this summer, I've had to really grapple wrestle with my past, really walk with God to see the purpose in it. There are days where I don't get and I'm like God, really? And there are other days where it really makes sense. This like today, us doing the interview, that is my past. That was my past but it’s created a capability for me to be able to talk about trauma, pain and insecurities. So it's encouraging someone to see that your past doesn't have to be all gloomy. Sometimes it's like my past, I'm just going to leave it back there. But we don’t have to leave it there necessarily, try and see it from a God perspective. Don't carry the burden so much that it affects how you walk towards your future. Be careful how you allow it to skew your ability to hope and dream because you're starting afresh, you're clearly trying to do something with your life and also see something new. There are clearly some patterns you want to introduce. trust the one who has created your future. Walk the journey with him. Don't be so quick to run away from your past. Like you said, ask those questions. Journal, get a book, I'll say train your mind to focus on God. Fall in love with the one that's planned out your life and fall in love with the one who is going to carry you on a journey. Do not allow your past to be a crutch that you rely on that stops you from walking boldly into your future. Don't allow your past to be something that stopped you from dreaming and that takes work. It's not easy to go into your therapy sessions. It's not easy to tell God, I'm actually upset this happened. That takes work and it takes us releasing something and sacrificing. But your sacrifice will never be in vain. So I'll say just don't be lazy. I think grace has led you to a point where maybe you're listening to this or reading this and you're like, okay, maybe I need to heal. Grace will also give you have the strength to do the work. It's not easy, but it is definitely possible. Everybody has a calling to bless someone. Whether it’s two or five people.
Rhieme: You're really speaker, the gems and the wisdom wow. Everything you said I really resonate with. I love what you said about knowing the purpose of your past because as much as pain can be very difficult to deal with we don't ask ourselves why? Why did I have to go through that? As you said, everyone carries a message and sometimes it can be the very thing that broke you that God wants to use and turn into something else. In the in between you're not really concerned about this becoming a testimony to be honest, like this is my life. But then it's also knowing that even right now when you don't know how things will turn out God is still there. It's hard because you may have to face very painful situations, but it's knowing there's always hope of a glorious future it's there in the Bible. So if you’re someone who hasn’t experienced that in the present moment, then that's because it's still yet to come, it's prophecy. I mean, with my blog and everything I’m doing now part of the reason why I'm really passionate about doing it is because I feel the way we've been trained is to just focus on making money.
But the real question is, why are you here? How can your talents, gifts and everything be nurtured? It’s not about a career, but more of who have I been created to be? When God started speaking to me about this blog I was worried about school and it was his way of telling me there is so much more to you than school. Just seeing everything you've been through is for a reason and you're not the only one. There are so many other people that are probably going through something similar and sometimes you need someone to shed light.
Bimpe: The thank you for sharing as well. I like what you said as well, because we're not academics we're human beings, not doings. Whilst I might be like, I’m a social worker, I experience you. People can experience their pain, you can explore experience shame that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it's to recognise that people experience that more than even your job.
Rhieme: I love that, I’m really learning.
Bimpe: I’m learning so much from you as well. Thank you so much.
Rhieme: How have you navigated not allowing past hurts taint your view of future experiences?
Bimpe: I feel like we've touched on this a little bit I would say as well I'm still navigating. I'm still navigating not allowing my past to taint my view on where God is taking me is really hard. I think there's so many things in place like community, I am surrounded by people who encouraged me by their lives and the way I see God glorified in their lives that actually there's no point even allowing your past to make you feel something's not possible. I had the privilege to surround myself by people who are older than me and pursuing wholeness, doing ministry and purpose. So it’s almost like, I’ve seen it possible and I think that's the important thing about community and being in a place where it's diverse, because you're almost being exposed to new realities. If you don't have that community, I guess you can read books you can watch stuff but expose your mind. Allow the mind to see beyond. Invest time in soaking in the Word of God and that was someone's advice for me. When they said that, I did so I read the word, I bought the materials, I made the flashcards and they helped me so much, it really renewed my mind. Because the word of God is just so powerful. It's it has a nourishing quality. It has an ability to nourish us, to replenish our soul to heal.
Be invested in dreaming, have reminders on the hope of the future you would like. Keep on growing spiritually, keep on maturing. Increase in your understanding of who God is. If a seed is planted in a good environment, if there's sun and water, the plant will surely grow.
Rhieme: Honestly, thank you so much for sharing. I really want to touch on what you said about the secret place and spending time with God. It’s so crazy because that was literally what God was speaking to me about this morning. Investing in your quiet time and that looks like spending more time with God. I would always say sacrifice because you could be doing something else, but you're choosing not to. As you said, as you spend more time with God, his voice becomes louder than that of the enemy. And, you know, you mentioned how you really went into the word properly, like you had scriptures. And that's something I'm working on, as of now. And I've noticed anytime God speaks, he’s begun to lead me to direct scriptures based on what he’s sharing with me.
Spending more time with God and abiding, abiding is so important. Whose perspective do you have at that point in time in any situation? I love what you said about also opening up yourself to new experiences and people. I feel like it's only God who can open up your mind when you've been accustomed to living a certain way and I've seen it play out in my life personally. Just with running this blog I realised there were things the enemy tried to kill when I was younger. So for example, speaking to people in the past I’ll be so open and eager, but over time I began to shy away. But community has really helped me, that’s s why I'm so grateful for Demi, she’s my mentor as well but outside of that, having a relationship with her has helped me step out. I remember she had sent me a message at the start of the year on leading a Skinneeds call and at first I was so nervous. But God started reminding me, this is who you've always been created to be. So God will always try and use people in different ways, but you also have to be positioned he can't use you when you're not even in the right environment and everything. So yes, thank you so much for what you sharing.
Bimpe: It’s a privilege, Demi is one of my really close friends and it’s a privilege to see how she’s been mentioned and how God is using both of you to do such amazing things. I count myself very lucky to be interviewed by you and very inspired by you and your pursuit to obey God and do what He has called you to.
Rhieme: Thank you so much. Do you have any advice? Any last words or anything that has been on your mind?
Bimpe: I think the key thing is to focus on the journey with God and take your time. I think even from what you said one thing that stood out was obedience, obey Him. He’ll give you instructions on this healing journey, follow them.
How did you find this conversation? Any key takeaways? Share below, check out Spontaneous Conversations by Bimpe and see you next week!
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